cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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