youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
