he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
