you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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