I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
