im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
