he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
