actually, I'm a sock model
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
