im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
