Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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