Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
