My sheets look like a crime scene.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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