that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
