Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
