Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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