Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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