when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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