you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
