I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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