Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
