I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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