Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
