I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
