You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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