Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
