Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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