This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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