she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
