My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
