I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
