I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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