I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
