its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
