I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
