My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
