I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
