so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
