How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
