I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
