so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
