he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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