So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
