just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
