Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
