You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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