I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
