You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
