awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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