the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
