The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
